


You make me Feel

by Jyxas_Parad0x



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Asexual Spectrum, Blindfolds, Depression, Light Bondage, M/M, Mental Illness, Misuse of Candles, Misuse of Ice, Power Bottom Roxas, Slice of Life, dark au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 04:42:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6270061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jyxas_Parad0x/pseuds/Jyxas_Parad0x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pretty words in pretty books made him pretend he could feel too. </p><p>''As far as I can remember, my heart always felt empty as if... It was cursed'' Or how Roxas spend all his free time in the library, pretending to feel stories that are not his. </p><p>''It all started when I set fire to my apartment'' Or how Axel works in a library to repay a debt.  That same library where the same person keeps catching his eyes, everyday. And a stupid bet with Demyx. A stupid Idea but... It worked ?</p><p>It was not meant to be this complicated but it seems... That is how life is and He would not trade it for anything else in the world.<br/>This is about pain, this is about illness, this is about fake and real laughters but mostly ?</p><p>This is about love.</p><p>-fanfic on Hiatus for unknown time-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Bitter Sweet Story called Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first story in a really long time, like many years. This is also my first story in english, as french is my first language, so please be aware that there might be some differences in how the sentences are formed. 
> 
> There's two distincts part in this chapter and I hesitated a lot between posting them as two different chapters or one, but it woul'nt make sens as two different part, not one without the other ! Anyway, the first part is Axel, the second is Roxas. 
> 
> Enjoy !

**A Bittersweet story Called Life**

 

_It all started a long time ago, but I still remember, as if It was freshly written somewhere in the back of my mind. An accident, an event leading to other events, the flow of time unfolding like an endless river. I still remember._

\------------------------

Tonight, I fucked up really bad.

I can still smell the fire and the ashes, even though they are already far gone. The heat is not surrounding me anymore and I can't even begin to understand if I am missing the flames or if I am dizzy from what happened. It was a long night and I am getting tired but...

I set fire to my own apartment. Just like that. Now, don't get me wrong, this was an accident, I promise ! Stupid little accident with much bigger consequences than what I can understand at the moment. All I know is that my landlord was pissed, which to be honest, I can't really blame. Had it been the first time it happened, I would have had to pay for the repairs and would still have somewhere to live. But it was. Not. The first time.

It was the third time and by far, the worst. Stupid drunk me, playing with fire to warm the place, yeah, because let's face it, this is the most logical thing to do, right ? Turn on the heater ? Naah, never mind, let's play with fire ! Even I can understand how bad the situation is right now. And if somewhere, in the back of my mind, I am still hoping to change his mind before I go back to sign the paper stating that I would no longer be living there, I know there's few chances that my landlord will accept that I stay. He didn't really liked me, to begin with... The two previous time, he was already pissed and it didn't help me to gain his love. Now ? Let's say i fucked up pretty bad and I am not drunk enough to actually believe that, in a couple of months, my apartment will be restored and with me living there.

In the blink of an eye, at the end of a night that started with celebrations and fun and friends, I was there, on the street and homeless. Walking and shivering, thinking about what I could do from there. I have lots of acquaintances, but no one close enough to actually let me live with them. I'm not the easiest to live with, I've heard. I have a hot temper, I've heard. And a dangerous obsession with fire, this much I know myself.

I could call Larxene and Marluxia, but I spent the night with them and I know that they're even more wasted than I am so they would not come and pick me up... And even if I could go to their place, I am not sure it's the safest decision for me right now. Sure, they are friends since a really long time but... They never give anything without something in return and knowing how they often ask for me to sleep with them in a weird threesome. Knowing them? They are serious and I am not sure I want to owe them something.

There's Saix but we are not in the best of terms at the moment and I am pretty sure that he would punch me just for asking the smallest of service so asking him for a place to stay ? He used to be one of my closest friend but not, I try to stay as far away from him as possible. I kinda like my face the way it is, thank you for asking,

I could call Demyx... He is, after all, my best friend since college, all the crazy shit a teenager can do, I did with him. I almost set fire to our school once, Demyx enjoyed it 'cause he had a reason to make water slides everywhere. He is my opposite in so many ways but the same as me in the most important stuff. That is why he was the only one able to actually live with me, we were roommate for 4 or 5 years and I with him, I never got to the point of actually burning down something. Whenever I would set fire to something, he was there in a second, throwing water at me and making fun of how my hair looks when wet. It's not as if I look bad huh, but he is so used of seeing the spiky flame, he laugh whenever I have a different hair style so yeah, that is Demyx for you. He is like a brother to me and if it was his apartment I was asking to stay in, I would have called already without even thinking about other options.

But it's not. You see, Demyx is with someone for, I think, almost 2 years and he's been living with him for the past months. Living with him in his apartment, not theirs, not Demyx's. Zexion's apartment. The same guy that I cannot really stand. It's not that we hate each other or anything, we are just not compatible. If it wasn't for Demyx, Zexion is not the kind of guy I would ever talk to. He is... I don't really know what the problem is, I guess he seems to lack that sparkle that attracts me. He is the opposite of me in the most bothering way, he is calm and quiet and... Cold.

That's it. He is too cold for me. The way he acts, how he speaks, it's always too... Calculated ? As if everything he does and says is predicted and already written in a precise scenario. Zexion lacks the spontaneous of life. I don't hate him, if anything, I'd say I'm just uncomfortable with how he is, this is not something I'm used to, even if he came to our apartment often when Demyx still lived with me. I'm not even sure what he thinks about me, not like I care. Well, I sure hope he don't totally hate me, for Demyx's sake and for what I am about to ask.

Without thinking anymore, I look at my last and ultimate choice and press the green button.

-"Good morning sweetheart ! " I almost purr, with my most sweet voice, even though it's not even him I'll have to convince. "What ? I cannot love you at..." I pause, actually take the time to the hour on my phone... Oh shit, I am so gonna die. "love you at 6:30 in the morning ?... Aww hun, you know me so well..." I keep walking, because hell, it's still cold here. I hate January. "Well, don't freak out now... No ! No, I am fine, I promise..... Well... can I explain later ? Can.. Just... Can you ask Zexion if I can come ? Just for tonight.. Well today...... Well I will explain later but I don't have anywhere to live anymore... huh... I told you, don't freak out ! I am fine, yeah... Well..... Look Dem, ask him please, I'm freezing... Please..."

There is a long pause, I can hear Demyx' sleepy voice over the phone talking to a less sleepy Zexion's voice... I don't even know what kind of schedule that guy has... He is like, some kind of Workaholic mixed with a study crazy and mad scientist, I think, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was about to wake up anyway or worst, already. But enough of that. Demyx came back, after a short time, answering by a brief ''Yes''. I could hear cups clashing together, maybe Zexion was ready for his day ? Or maybe they were thinking about me and how cold I am and how a cup of coffee would be great and... Urhhgg...

-''Alright, I'll be there in.. Probably ten, thanks''

  
\------------------------

-"So. From what I understand, I can assume that it's not only today that you'll need somewhere to stay."

I am now at Zexion's place. Sometimes I wonder how he can pay for his rent. Not only is it in the good side of the city, Radiant Garden, but it's also well maintained and has a guest room and a great view. Demyx once said something about his father being some kind of well known scientist or something like that. Some Ans... Ansomme... Or whatever his name was and, apparently, pays for the place as long as he continues his studies. No wonder that guy is a silent study freak, if his dad pays this much so he can follow his steps.

I tiredly explained the situation, how pissed my landlord was when he saw me earlier and how he told me I had a week. A single freaking week to move my stuff and sign the papers. Something about how I will have to continue to pay the rent until the work is done and he finds someone else to replace me but I am not allowed to come back. Long story short ? I am fucked and there's no way I am able to pay that much and find another place to stay. My parents are out the question, i moved far away from them for a reason. I am back to where I was before Demyx and I got our first apartment together, alone and fucking homeless. In winter. Just great.

-"You assume right, but I guess it's only normal considering your IQ" I joke bitterly. Pretty sure even Dem' would have guess that much, from what I told them and this is much consideration, seeing how he is only half awake. Zexion seems to be thinking about something, being his usual quiet, I can hardly stand it. Say something, come on. Don't leave me hanging.

-"Well. Not that it pleases me, but I cannot leave you like that" He glances quickly at Demyx, his head tilting on the side as if he was falling asleep, again. "Demyx would be worried if you were to be alone without a proper place to stay. We both know how he can get when he's worried." He offers me a soft scoff, I think it's a first, hey you're on the right path Zexy ! Almost a laughter !

-"Well, what do you propose ? You are the genius here, I'm all listening !" I throw an hand in the air, dismissively, as if Zexion could take all my problems away with his brain only. I'm still dizzy but I know I won't be able to sleep as long as I won't have this sorted out. I slam the same hand on my face, the headache starting to be even more present now that I start to think about it. I take a long sip of my coffee, let the bitter taste come and warm my throat. This is so good... Why can't drunk me drink coffee instead of playing with fire ? I hate myself sometimes.

-"What I can propose is for you to stay here. I have a guest room you can live in. I understand it would be hard for you to pay for two rents and I don't pay for mine so, apart for what you eat and the stuff you need, You wouldn't have to pay here. Of course, there would be some... Things I'd ask of you."

He stares at me, completely serious and this usual coldness in his eyes is back. I know he doesn't do it out of charity, this is only because I'm Demyx' best friend. What did he say about things he'd ask ? Seeing that I say nothing, he continues.

-"What I ask of you is mostly to clean after yourself. I don't tolerate when my place becomes a mess and I assume you'll understand how important it is to leave things as they are. I like my apartment to be clean and organized, otherwise I won't concentrate on my studies."

-"Zexy is a clean freak." Demyx playfully says before going closer to said Zexy, putting his head on his shoulder and closing his eyes again, I thought he was finally asleep, he almost surprised me.

-"Indeed, he calls me that in a regular basis. Anyway. I will let you live here, but I'd expect of you to not bring any friends here. There's a certain limit of individuals I can tolerate at the same time, in a confined space before I start losing my focus. As you already know, I spend most of my free time studying for school but I also have personal projects with my father. Let's say he doesn't have the same patience as I for disturbance."

He sigh, hugging Demyx closer to him, a slow hand going through his hair. This is why I always put up with that guy, he takes care of Dem. No matter how incompatible I can be with him, the important is that he makes my best friend happy. Sometimes I wish I'd have the same luck.

I don't really have anything to say, this is pretty common sense, as he said. I wouldn't even think about bringing anyone here, I respect his privacy and I know we don't have the same kind of friends.

-"I won't ask for them now, but if you ever start coming here drunk, I'll have to take your lighters away. I hope you understand that I can afford to lose this place because of your recklessness. I have many important books and notes in here and my insurance policy only covers incidents. If it's your fault for, let's say, playing with fire and passing out, then my insurance wouldn't cover it and most of my books are special editions, really hard to find." There's nothing left in his voice but sharp ice, he is fucking serious about this, not that I can blame him. The situation he just described is what happened tonight. "I am a light sleeper, so I'll know right away if something happens." He warns me. Fair enough, I guess... I'm starting to get tired... What time is it now ? The adrenaline from last night is starting to leave me and I feel heavy. I can't think about anything else but a warm bed, holding me close, wrapping me in soft sheets. Damn, I want to sleep.

-"Fair enough. I understand. I agree, thank you for this, by the way." I am fucking sincere, that guy. That almost stranger is saving my life more than what I would really admit.

-''One more thing, before I let you go to sleep. As I already said, I won't ask you to pay me anything here. But... " I knew it, nothing is free. Haha ! You can't fool me ! I was already waiting for this. Well... As long as I don't have to participate in any kind of weird threesome. Sleeping with Demyx... Weird. Sleeping with Zexion... What the actual fuck, brain, go back to sleep, you are drunk. "We are short of volunteers at the Library where I work. Since it doesnt pay much, we cannot afford to actually hire people but there's still work to be done. Our most helping volunteer recently moved away so, between my studies and the additionnal work, this is bothersome for me."

Wait wait wait. He's not asking what I think he is asking, is he ? A fucking library ? Really ? Last time I went to a library I... Did what I usually do when I'm bored. Does he realise how dangerous I can get around books ?

-"So. Since I let you live here without paying, I thought I could ask you to... Help me as well."

This is not even a question. He is not asking this in a 'Oh Axel, could you please help me with this, I would be so grateful' way. No. He' s asking this in a 'Axel. You live under my roof therefore I can force you into boredom and torture' way. No way. No. I quit. But then again... My options were really... so few... I could sleep outside and become homeless until my body surrenders to the cold and dies. Or I could accept to comply with Zexion's demand. It's not like working in a library is the worst thing that could happen to me, really, I've seen worst. Been there, done that you know ? It's just... I have a hard time with staying quiet and calm. It's like putting water on my flame, killing the sparkle inside of me. Usually, everywhere I go, I'm noticed, not only because of my fire-like hair but because of How I am in general.

-"Guess I don't really have a choice now, do I ?"

 

\------------------------

_And this is how it all started. In a cold day of mid January... New year, new events, new life huh ? I don't know yet if I regret anything of it or If I am glad it happened... Maybe time will tell. And this, my friends, is how started the first day of the rest of my life. It was not meant to be this complicated. It was never meant to feel so right yet so wrong. It was never meant to hurt this much but yet, I would never trade anything of all that happened. This is a story about pain, about hurt, a story about right and wrong... But the most important ? It's a story about him. A tale about Love._

 

=============

 

_"Once upon a time, there was a young boy who had blue eyes that could have make the ocean jealous with storming rage, honey blonde hair softer than dawn feather, skin pale and face soft and beautiful. He was the creature of a fairy tale, or so... they used to say. People that didn't know him thought he was some kind of angel, but they were only wronged by his sweet looks. After realizing their mistakes, that he was not an angel, they all started to believe the same thing. Without any exception, even to this day._

_You see, his cute face was a malediction, always been. Because everybody wanted to be the one to save him, to save the lost angel, to fix the poor, broken, little and fragile creature he was. He was cursed and if it had been a fairy tale, a fairy godmother would have showed him the way to his true love, a true love's kiss would save his life, would fix the mess he seemed to be. And there would be light and music and it would be happy ending. But this was not a fairy tale._

_And for some time, the blonde believed them. Maybe he was broken. Maybe it was not normal to be this way, maybe something was truly missing. In the books, it would have been because of his heart. Maybe it was missing, maybe it was frozen or lost or... Cursed, just like his looks. He was some reversed beast. Only true love, one stronger than the adoration for his face, would be able to cure him from this cancer he had got himself lost to..."_

Yeah, right. As if life was gentle enough to grant that kind of thing.

_"Maybe, at some point, he did something to get himself in the anger of an evil witch or something just as bad... Or maybe his tale wouldn't put too much details in that kind of back story. It was not important, for his dark fairy tale would begin long long after the curse, when it was already too late, when the poor creature was already broken to the word. He was nothing but an empty, beautiful puppet, a shell that shouldn't be alive. An entity that didn't deserve to exist for his heart was empty. There was a time where he was still hopeful, yes... He was broken, but there could still be a way, couldn't it ? And he tried, so hard, to keep believing even when his heart was lacking the will to purchase those dreams. He was aware that this was foolish, that much he could feel. Because the lack of emotions was not that simple. The fallen angel could still feel things, but there was always a part missing. He could feel despair, hurt, hate... He could feel all of that darkness lurking around his heart, whispering, waiting for the right moment to strike and take his life away. That, he was aware. That, was why he tried to wrong the voices and find the light and get his happy ending before it was over, before it was too late to save himself... And he tried, oh... He tried..."_

Happy endings ? Tss. They always belonged to books. I am not a fool anymore. Sorry for interrupting, let's go back to the story.

_"Like in any faithful tales of magic and adventures, the broken puppet seeked the help of greater Power. If he was cursed, he thought, he needed the help of Fairies or anything with magic ! He didn't find the fairies, but there was a place where there was wizards and people of great Wisdom. He asked them for help, one after the other, hardly able to trust any of them. There was something in the way they talked, in the way they looked at him... It was that same look, some kind of pity, something else that he could not understand... He didn't trust them, but he had to do something, it was his only way, only option..._

_When he thought that this path was damned, he found an enchantress who charmed him into trust. Or perhaps he was tired of searching ? She was sweet and caring, but, that, he couldnt be sure for he didnt felt it. He didnt felt pity from her. He didn't felt as broken and hopeless in front of her and maybe she really wanted to help him. He would never be certain of her intention, the only thing he knew, always did knew, was that all magic would come with a price in the end, and even the most caring enchantress would not be able to break this rule. She came to the same conclusion, only her words were softer, half hiding the painful truth. He was broken. An error to the world. But he could still be saved, she said, there was a magic potion that could ease his suffering and melt the ice around his heart. The enchantress offered him, a chance to turn away from this darkness still lurking, trying to suffocate him. It was like a trap and if he was not careful, it would be the end of him._

_At first, he refused, because it couldnt be that simple now, could it ? As if... As if the remedy was there, in front of him, in the form of small potions that he would have to take again... And again... And again until he would forget why he'd take them in the first place. He refused to. That could not be it. That could not be the remedy ! Surely, she was trying to fool him ! And he could not trust her anymore... She let him believe he was not broken enough to be damned forever but there she was, offering her magic incantations. All Magic comes with a price... What if... Everytime he would take one of those damned potions, he would curse himself even more, in others way... What if the shadows would only get stronger after ?_

_He stopped seeing her. A broken soul refusing to be fooled again. He would not pay the price for this, not him, no never. He trusted her but he should have known better, even if she looked sweet and caring, he knew how deceiving looks could be. He should have... Just like his reflection was a cruel reminder everyday, sweet and perfect and broken._

_There was a point when he lost himself, down the rabbit hole as they would say. It was a place where everybody was mad and he didn't felt as strange anymore, it was... As if somewhere, he finally had a place, as if he was meant to be there, this way, with them. But he was not fooling himself this time, he knew it would end, soon... But as long as he could escape the whispers, he would hide there. Every night of a short eternity, he would come back to the tea party, tasting the burning taste in his throat. It was a drink that woud let him feel dizzy but, in a way, he... Liked it ? Not quite... But it was something, inside of him, that pushed him to come back again. As if he could escape his heart. When madness met his beauty, he became something more, something much more powerful than the broken puppet he used to be. He was a creature of luxury and damnation, an incubus in a nightmare. His looks were now a different curse where he could pull other mortals into damnation and it made him feel so powerful. He was not alone anymore in this world of suffering. Could they hear the voices ? Could they see the shadows getting strong, feel their claws against their skin, burning and itching and suffocating ?"_

And what happened next, you might be asking ? Well... I lost the pages long time ago. I should have been more careful, it's the wind, it took them away.

_"At some point, they all wanted more than what he was willing to give and he ran away. When the damned started to make him feel weak, to make him feel broken again, he knew he had to leave, to go and never, never come back. He lost himself through time, a deep abyss, just like and endless maze. Darkness was reaching for his heart, tearing him, destroying him to pieces. Shattered, he was. And maybe it should have ended this way, maybe this was his purpose, dying here and never be afraid of the dark anymore._

_The enchantress came back to him. Silver lining through the sky, she wanted to help him, she said with her soft voice and, in an instant of weakness, the puppet accepted to try the magic potion. He just wanted to be normal, to feel normal whatever the price... He would pay it later, but that was not his concern at that time... The magic was tasteless. As if it never happened. He simply had to swallow a small vial of the potion, every day and the suffering would stop, soon. It's only when he started doubting the magic that he realized how much it worked. At a price._

_As if he ever fooled himself for that price. He was not broken anymore, he was not lost anymore. Maybe it was better this way, maybe it was worst, but he was not broken anymore. He couldn't feel anything anymore. It was... As if the potions were putting a sleeping curse on his heart. But it was ok, now. He was not scared anymore."_

They say he found himself a place in a quiet Inn. A place where the art of Pretend became a second nature to him. They say he was so good at it, no one would ever know how broken he used to be. He was not fixed, but not broken anymore and this, is how his tale ends, until this day.

And sometimes, looking myself in the mirror, I remember me, him, us, how we merged and how I became who I am. I am not weak anymore, I am not broken, I was lost but I found my way. Here I am, my name is Roxas and I used to be part of a Dark fairy tale... But fairy tale never existed anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter ! I'm aware that it is not perfect and I hope I'll get use to writing again really soon. I warn you, I don't know how often I will post, I'll try to do it as much as possible but be aware that I work a lot and only write in the few free time I get.
> 
> Thank you for reading and see you next time !


	2. Falling Down

_I will never understand the flow of time. Maybe I lost who I am ? Maybe I lost to time itself or to a greater power. As if there was any kind of greater existence. I'm not a believer, but sometimes, looking through your eyes, it seemed like I could have been wrong all along. Maybe there is something, maybe I didn't get the right mind to see it properly. Maybe you didn't, maybe you did, but when I lost myself in your eyes, Time would seem even more twisted._

_Maybe I lost myself to you._

\-----------------------

One week. It's been one week since that night. That stupid night that changed everything and at the same time, nothing at all. The world is still turning, life goes on, I'll get over it. We moved what was left of my stuff to Zexion's place. I didn't have much to begin with, I was never the kind of person that gets attached to material stuff. The furniture in the living room got too burn to worth anything, not that there was much value in them in the first place. My room was not affected by the fire, as it started in the living room... Was I drunk enough to believe there was a fireplace there ? I don't remember. It would be silly but hey, lucky me, my clothes are all good ! Yay. Other than that, I signed the papers, I was lucky that my insurance could cover a part of the damage... But i'll have to keep paying the rent until the end of the session, as the fire was my own fault. As it was not the first time it happened.

I guess my landlord is glad to see me leave... Ehh...

Living at Zexion's place is not too bad. If only way too quiet, which is weird when you think about it. I mean... Demyx and I, at the same place, that quiet ? What kind of power does this guy have on my best friend ? He got him brainwashed, I am sure. And I am the next. What have I done ?

I started helping at the library through the week. Nothing too hard. Cleaning the area, placing the books at the right places. I'm not allowed to register the books for people yet or whatever how it works. Zexion's says he don't want me to set fire to the computer. I'm not sure if he's serious, I mean... He lets me near the books ! Also true that he took my lighters from me... Saying I was not allowed to have them there, Books would burn faster than my apartment and blah blah blah. What do they think I am ? A crazy pyromaniac ? And the library is my redemption, funny.

Today Demyx came with me, moral support he said. So I am not as bored as before. He seems to know the place really well and I'm pretty sure he comes here often to help too. More time with Zexion if the work is done faster, I guess. I do my things, going through the alleys, still trying to figure out how exactly it is supposed to work. Zexion explained it but to be honest, it didn't make much sense. Something about code bar and numbers. You would have thought it would be classed in alphabetical order or something... I guess it goes beyond my understanding, I must not be brilliant enough to understand the subtlety of Library's setting. Oh well...

Going back, I noticed someone at a table, near the window. Good. I was wondering when he was going to show up. I've been un-volunteering here for 5 days now and everyday, I saw him there, at the same place. It's always like he'd appear out of nowhere. I never see him coming in or leaving. I just turn my back a second and he's there. I didn't get to see his face. Maybe he's a ghost ? Haunting the library... But it doesn't make sense. A ghost wouldn't chose the place near the window. Unless he died and don't know it and keeps coming back to read books, not even knowing about his cruel destiny. Poor thing.

-"Hey Dem ?" I whisper, hitting him softly with the cover of a hard book, just enough to get his attention. He looks at me with a questioning look before pointing an alley. What ? Oh... The book. I shook my head but go and place it in the correct alley, coming back and pointing at the blond maybe-ghost near the window. "You know him ?"

-"Don't know his name, all I know is that he comes everyday, never borrows, only read. He doesn't seem to speak to anyone. Maybe Zexion knows him, but I never saw them talk so..." He explains in a whisper. I knew it. Must be why he seems to glow in the sunlight.  
  
-"Hey, maybe he's a ghost ?" I offer without even realizing. Demyx looks at me, big eyes, as if he was afraid. Oh... Yeah, Demyx don't like ghost stories. Or Horror movies. He was always afraid to go to sleep after, when we'd watch them together and he would make me watch stupid kid movies with him until he'd forget all about the horror.

-"Don't say stupid things !" He squeaks, loud enough to get some head to turn our way. I was not even serious in the first place but his face is priceless. He grabs my collar and pull me closer to him. "That guy is alive. And so not-a-ghost. And. And you're gonna prove it."

-"Oh... I will now ?" I smirk, hands on my hips as I look at Demyx from head to toes. I like seeing him afraid like this. This is blackmail stuff. Almost sad that I don't get a camera to have more proof. It could come handy, sometimes.

-"Yeah. You will. I don't know exactly how but you will prove it !" I could laugh. God that guy is funny. If he was not my key to have a place to stay, I would play with this weakness of his even more. He stares at me, with a mix of anger and hope or... fright. He believes me, you got to be kidding me ! Even more funny ! "If you don't I'll never come back and you'll be alone to place those damn books."

-"Fine, fine ! Look, I'll go talk to this mister not-a-ghost, 'kay ? Happy ? If he answer, he's alive, ok ?" I wanted to say and if he don't well... But I know he will, that guy is alive and I'm loud, this is a good equation ! Without letting Demyx freeze me longer with his stare, I go to the blonde's table, sitting across him as if I own the place. Hey, I clean those tables, same shit.

I observe him a little, now that I'm closer. I can see better, his hair are more like honey than actual blonde, but with the light from outside, they look paler, like he's bathed in some kind of heaven-ish halo. Weird. He could grow a pair of wings and I wouldn't even be surprised. I still cannot see his face clearly, as he's hidden behind a book that I'm tempted to steal from him, just to see his face. Curiosity killed the cat... I can see Demyx, behind the bookshelves, staring and waiting for something to happen. I like taking my time. Take this Dem. Stay afraid. I don't care.

I take a little more time to look at him, observing every detail. He still hasn't notice me, that book must be good... I cant see the title. He wears a large grey hoodie, covering most of his forms and somehow, it doesn't seem to break the illusion that he would be perfect in the role of an angel, almost. It doesn't help breaking the ghost thing however, ghosts.. angels... spirits... Same dead things, right ?

-"Hey there, Blondie !" I lean closer, elbows on the table and try to look above the evil object hiding me from my new interest. I think he didn't hear me, even if I would doubt it... I tend to be loud when I want, even in a library and we are so close... I poke his hand and I can see Demyx still looking at us, no, my finger didn't pass through his skin, he is totally material and warm, not cold like you would think a ghost to be. Then again, he don't seem to care, which pretty much exclude the idea that he didn't hear me before. The guy is ignoring me ? Me ?

One thing you should know about me is that I don't like being ignored. Ever... It's not that I'm proud enough to believe that everyone should notice me, no, nothing like that... It's just that I tend to take it like a personal challenge. Like... Yeah Axel, show me you can make me notice you no matter how I try not to. I like challenges, I tend to be quite competitive, even when said challenge is only in my own head. But who cares ? So... That is how I end up taking his book from his hands, just like that, reading the first sentence I see out loud.

-"A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden, the roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red.. Oh... Alice in Wonderland... Cute."

The blond ghost finally notice me, staring at me silently. I can't really understand what's going on in his eyes, maybe they're throwing knives at me, maybe they're completely empty... I don't get it, but their color... Blue, the brightest I've ever seen, sapphire or sky... Something like that.. And damn. He's really cute. I think I forgot how to breath, maybe a little.

-''Can I have it back ?" Guess I also forgot what I was even doing there. I stare at him, and he stares at the book, as if he don't even sees me. I'm only the wall that broke away his reading... Usually they notice me, because of my hair, or my tattoos... Or even my style... I look like a punk, usually people stares at me like I'm going to attack them, or like they want to jump me. But he only looks pass me, at the book in my hands, as if I didn't even exist. Oh... Yeah, right...

-"Are you a ghost ?" I ask, instead of giving him the book he seems to only have eyes for. Hey. Come on I am here TOO ! I just put on a show reading this, just for him ! Some people are being paid for that... I tell you, kids these days, they don't know what they have.

-"What are you... Never mind. Keep it. I was done anyway"

I never heard his voice before today. And I don't know... The more I hear it, the more I think it doesn't seem to fit him. It's too... I can't even begin to find exactly why it doesn't. It's so out of place. Somehow...

_Mist._

The only thing that comes to my mind is that single word. His voice is like mist. Something that shouldn't be there, something that never was... Or maybe the only thing left... Hell if I know. His voice is something I can't understand. Something that tries to suck me deeper in an endless abyss, yeah.. Something like that... I guess...

_He disappeared._

He vanished, just like that, and all that is left of him, is the book in my hand. Alice in Wonderland. Oh... That's right... Alley 3... Row 1... There you go. Maybe it was all in my head, Demyx didn't say more, we quietly finished to clean the library for the dead and went home, not a word about the ghost was said, it was as if he never was.

That night, I could almost feel the cold surrounding me, as if the mist was slowly swallowing me, making me disappear into the unknown depth below. His eyes were my rabbit hole. Taking me deep down in an unknown world, a strange land of doubt and incomprehension. And the only thing left in my mind was the echo of his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for those who waited all this time... I had a lot going on in my life and I honestly didn't see the time pass...  
> This chapter was supposed to be longer and I was supposed to post it sooner but I was never sure if it was good enough x.x So, I apologize again and I will try update more frequently.


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